Last week I got a 2-week trial membership to Othership, a sauna and cold plunge studio, via some NYU promotion. This is a more personal post about heat (fire), cool (ice), and mental health.

I have been a highly anxious person since around middle school, when I became "conscious" -- when I started forming my opinions and developing agency. Prior to that, I was just a kid, though I suspect I had/have ADHD. It has always felt like my mind runs at a high RPM, and I lack an effective transmission to convert it into meaningful output. When speaking, my mouth can't keep up with my thoughts -- I often cut myself off mid-sentence, stumbling because I have reformulated the sentence structure, and leaving sentences hanging because my brain has already moved on. I daydream a lot, my mind quick to wander down a rabbit hole, resulting in constant "CPU thrashing" as I have to context switch back to the task I was previously focused on.

This anxiety regularly manifests in social situations. I have a people pleasing predisposition, which means I care too much about what others think of me. This leads me to overinflate others and downplay myself -- what am I bringing to this group, conversation, etc.? Typically, when I get into this negative spiral, I start to feel hot and begin to sweat. And when I notice the beads of sweat forming, that spiraling hastens -- they're going to see me sweating, realize I'm nervous, think less of me. Over the years, this has become a recurring problem. Whenever I have to attend a new social environment, or someplace I think will be warm, my mind starts running, anticipating the sweat and anxiety -- which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Moving to NYC has been no help. It is a city full of new social interactions, and the summer humidity gets me in a sweat as soon as I step out of my apartment.

I have turned to meditation in attempt to combat this: I've consumed books, podcasts, videos and courses. I'm familiar with all the theory, but it hasn't been as effective in practice as I'd like. My favorite is the Calm app, I've found starting my day with "The Daily Calm" (and without opening any attention draining apps) provides a sense of peace. However, that peace tends to be ephemeral, quickly encroached upon as the chaos of the day presents. I'm still working on using the tactics in times of need, when I'm feeling overwhelmed/stressed/anxious. In this one week at Othership, I've finally made a breakthrough. Sitting in the sauna and cold plunge is akin to meditating on my bedroom floor -- perhaps all I needed was the additional sensory stimulus.

In the sauna, as the heat envelops me and my body starts pooling with sweat, I am forced to sit with the discomfort. Immediately I have to let go, succumbing to the sheer amount of sweat, and enter a somewhat out-of-body experience. As they teach in meditation, I am able to freely notice the sensations: the heat swirling around my arms, my heart beating faster, my neck tingling. My mind does wander some, though not as wildly due to the distraction of discomfort, and I am able to more quickly acknowledge thoughts and let them be. In contrast, the cold plunge is all about concentration. The first time I went in, my body screamed in shock, and I jumped out after barely 10 seconds. An Othership guide walked me through my first 2-minute session -- the key was to focus on my breath. Humming "hmmm" (essentially Ohm!) especially seemed to help control my exhalation and provide a calming vibration through my neck and chest. In the ice bath, I was finally able to conquer my mind. The chatter due to cold shock is exceptionally loud, and breaking concentration can make the physical sensations unbearable. Focusing on the hum and letting go make the discomfort feel distant and manageable. Now, after a few days, I feel like I could easily sit there for several minutes, if the wall clock wasn't there to give me an excuse.

Stepping out after completing a 2-minute cold plunge session is one of the most empowering things I've done, and has already served as a strong reference point -- I did that, I don't need to give into my monkey brain right now.

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Note: this is not an advertisement or endorsement for Othership. References are just as placeholders for the general sauna + cold plunge contrast therapy experience.